Why Athena?

Hi. I'm new here. The building looks pretty nice, so I think I'll stay. I'm here because I never could have seen what's happening in my marriage today when I walked down the aisle five years ago. There are probably some of you out there who can identify, and since we're all friendly strangers, maybe we can wade through this cesspool, you and I.

This past year has been a year of reclaiming myself, of declaring war on the shit that has held me down. Don't get me wrong - I've always been perfectly sane. It's just I'm finally okay with being all that I am all of the time. I've got a goddess in me, as I believe that every woman does, and she's been pissed as hell for the last few years. It's time for me to give her a name and a voice.

So why the screen name Athena? I took some crazy personality profile (which was actually rather Myers-Briggs-ish) and my goddess archetype is predominately Athena, with Aphrodite a very close second. Here are short descriptions of both:

Athena represents the feminine archetype for logical thinking -- as a woman, not as a man. Her virgin goddess energy can be deeply transformed or sublimated in highly creative ways. By nature the virgin goddesses are more self-directed, self-motivated, focused rather than diffuse in their thinking. She is goal oriented. Athena’s true nature demonstrated active concern for the well-being of the community/humanity. She was an activist against suffering and injustice. Athena’s archetype is essentially youthful, idealistic committed to a higher purpose. Her libido is directed into mental, extraverted activities, striving for intellectual fulfillment (achievement is gratifying), creative leadership & decision-making. Historic females embodying the Athena archetype include Joan of Arc, early 1400 C.E. (a French heroine who defeated the English in battle--later burned at the stake, accused of being a witch); Christine de Pizan, 1400’s C.E. (first woman in France to support herself as a writer); Mary Wollstonecraft (wrote the first great feminist document in 1792 C.E.)

Aphrodite represents the uniting of feminine and masculine energies--through sexual union. She has been experienced by men as fascinatingly exotic, a seductress. Her influence is of civilizing ‘man’kind through her gifts of art, culture, and in particular, her disarming manner of relating. Aphrodite’s divine gift to us is Eros, her divine son, also known as Cupid (Amor). Aphrodite’s gift of loving relationship has the power to melt defenses, leaving her lover disarmed and open--allowing the magic of eros to flow between them. Psychologically, Aphrodite belongs to the category of ‘virgin’ goddess in that she does not suffer at the hand of any man. Furthermore, although she is relationship-oriented, she possesses the quality of autonomy unlike her ‘vulnerable’ goddess sisters. Her consciousness is both focused and diffuse. The more keenly developed Aphrodite woman is able to offer a man both erotic as well as intellectual/emotional companionship. Aphrodite woman desires relationship with heart. Aphrodite expresses qualities of warmth, extroversion, she is relational--bringing people together. She is sensual, at ease in her body and with her sexuality. She loves Love. She loves the masculine aspect. She loves the Arts and things creative.

I see myself in both of these goddesses, but Athena wins out by a couple of points. I would venture to say that men and women who know me would also agree that my personality can be seen in both goddesses making for a unique dichotomy.

I've been married for five years now. The man I married is altogether different from me, and I don't think I can handle this anymore. So, I need to get some stuff off of my chest. As you learn about my relationship, you'll learn about Bill. He's one helluva dad, but the husband thing is just not even in sight. We are friends and decent roommates, but that's about where it ends.

So help me get this going. Where should I start? Sex? The night shift? Alcohol? Affection? Pick your poison...