The night shift sucks.
Bill has been working overnights since he was 19. His shift begins in the late afternoon and sends him back home well after midnight (usually after 2). When we first talked about a future together, I expressed concern over his hours and the effect it would have on a family. I was working days, and he worked nights. We saw each other for lunch on Wednesdays and then on the weekends, our time was pretty much limited to Sunday afternoons. He works a lot of 6 day weeks, and I didn't want to squash his social life, so I was sort of OK with that for a while.
Bill told me that if the schedule ever became an issue, he would consider switching to days. When it got really hard for me six months into our marriage, I brought it up. He shot it down, pretty much saying that we'd just have to deal until we had kids, and then we could talk about it again. And then when Ellie was born, I brought it up again. And I just brought it up yet AGAIN.
I told him, "The night shift has been slowly killing us."
He put on the most serious face I've never seen and said, "No, it's killing you. I'm not going to rearrange my life for you."
Fuck that. Who quit her job with a major US corporation to stay home? Who gave up her entire social life because she had to stay home with a baby that didn't sleep every night of the week? Who gave it ALL up because he left her no other real choice?
I'm sick of being lonely at night. And during the day.
Do you know what I would give to be kissed like I'm actually wanted?
6 comments:
Oh good God, No he did NOT?????? I sense some serious resentment coming through...but maybe I am just really intuitive...
I don't think I've ever said these words to another person in my entire life, but Athena, I think it's time to seriously consider a divorce.
What else is a marriage if not rearranging your life to make your partner happy? Forsaking your own selfish desires for the good of your family is a critical part of marriage.
From what you've said here, your husband doesn't respect you or give a damn about your happiness. Why continue to live in that toxic environment? Surely it's better for your daughter to have her mom and dad live apart and see her mom be happy?
This breaks my heart. You do not deserve to be treated this way.
Oh, girl. I'm so sorry. It seems like it's getting to the point where your predominant emotion towards him is ANGER, and Erica's right, that's not good for any of you and your daughter is getting old enough to notice.
Delurking here to say that I was thinking what Erica said. I have never in my life thought that a divorce was a good idea, but... If he actually said that, what you quoted here, then I don't know if you even HAVE a marriage. I have always thought, for the record, that a marriage could always be salvaged as long as there hadn't been abuse or infidelity. But this total indifference to your sexual- or emotional- satisfaction? Well, what is that if not infidelity? The fact that he suggested you get a boyfriend? He has washed his hands of your sexual needs. Thrown you under the bus, essentially. Did he not promise to love you when you got married? Is this not a betrayal of your marriage vows, then?
All I can think is that the marriage counselor is going to have a field day with Bill ... hopefully he'll be willing to listen to an outside party ~ but I'm wondering why he would listen to someone else when he won't listen to his own wife. Wow.
I can't imagine how soul-killing it has to be to have your husband not care about your happiness. I don't think I could stay in the marriage. Or not squash his nuts in his sleep.
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